Hi there my faithful reader (s??!)
I'm sorry it's been so long since I updated. In fact, I'm very ashamed as I've just realised that my absence from the blogosphere (as an active writer, I still read all my favourite blogs regularly) is precisely parelleled by the story of my new relationship: it was just after returning to Rome from Napoli in December that I got together with my now boyfriend. This makes me feel like a Bad Feminist (abandoning my own interests for a relationship).
However, I think there's a slightly more conscious level on which I've been reluctant to blog since being with my significant other, which is the dilemma of how to approach the blogging - should I use his name? would that be indiscreet? is it dishonest to cut him from my blog musings when he's such an important part of my life? This is something I reflect on quite often when I read other blogs - there are the people who talk explicitly about their relationship, making me wonder "but does your S.O. read your blog? and if so doesn't he/she feel betrayed? and if not, aren't you constantly terrified that he/she will FIND IT OUT?!"
I couldn't realistically try to conceal the existence of this blog from my boyfriend, but maybe I have a better discretion-protection-system in place: the language barrier...I know only too well fatiguing it can be to wade through a different media form in your second language; probably he won't bother.
My new man has really made me happier than I believed possible, and I have so much to thank him for. In addition, being with him makes me feel alot more integrated into the whole italian culture, and he's introduced me to so many things culturally (theatre, film festivals, music, radio, books, a whole wealth of things that alone I might have found impenetrable or assumed I wouldn't understand). Meanwhile, on the socio-cultural front, I have made a few observations over the last few months on the differences between living in Italy as a single foreigner and living in Italy as a foreigner with a native boyfriend. Mainly that any chauvinists who might otherwise have been looking to objectify me will pay the compliment to my boyfriend instead - for example, the garlic-man (I'm referring to a man who sells bags of garlic in the local food market, maybe not the career trajectory his mother dreamed for him but nevertheless an honest profession) who turned to my boyfriend after we'd both greeted him and commented "che bella ragazza, è tua?" - "what a pretty girl, is she yours?" stunning me somewhat with the wealth of material provided for one of my patriarchal-society-women-as-chattel rants.
While I like to make my status as a Humourless-Feminist as explicit as possible, it's not that I'm immune to compliments: in some respects I do LIKE to hear that I'm beautiful and that random people (ie the receptionist at my boyfriend's doctor's surgery) compliment my man on his choice. But what it's made me think recently is that maybe there's a cultural difference here in the language used to compliment a woman. I think Italians are very intrenched in the idea that to compliment a woman, you HAVE to call her beautiful or carina - just "simpatica" (nice), "intelligente" or "affascinante" (charming) won't do. I noticed this alot when my family visited recently. ALL my italian friends who met my parents told me afterwards "ah, your mum's so beautiful." That's nice to hear - in fact, I should have passed it on earlier to my mum, so if you're reading this, sorry I've been so remiss about that! - but it makes me think "why do you have to say my mum is BEAUTIFUL?? why is this what we value her for? can't you say she's nice or friendly or interesting or good at bringing up fantastic children??" No one told me my DAD was beautiful. I think this is a double standard that's ingrained in all cultures (look at any Hollywood film for the higher beauty-grooming-skinniness standards imposed on women as opposed to men) but it's noticeably more explicit in Italy than in Britain. Evidence...look at any male/female pair of newsreaders on the RAI (state TV network).
Feminist observations aside, the aforementioned family visit was WONDERFUL...it was a pretty amazing feat just to get all of us in one place (my parents from London, my older brother from Germany and my younger brother and fiancée from Bristol and wedding planning!) and it was lovely to have them all together. We did some Roman things that I'd never done before (finding Caravaggios in churches because the Caravaggio exhibition had a 2-hour long queue, discovering the bone-filled crypt of a church at Barberini) as well as some of my favourite things (the Cafferella park, via Appia Antica, the centro storico, Frascati). Alot of pizza, pasta, beer and wine was consumed, and we played alot of Bananagrams (a scrabble-like word game).
I've moved house and am now living in a fantastic flat a stone's throw from Rome's wildest park. It's cheaper than where I lived before, more central and right by the metro (and that's metro line A, ie the one with air conditioning! a massive plus in a Roman summer). To top it all off - I have a balcony. Not even a shared balcony, this is my own, private balcony that opens off my room. It's big enough to sit out on for a couple of people, not to mention other more practical benefits like using it to dry my clothes on etc. I am really in heaven and can't wait to drink prosecco on it on warm summer evenings. I'm living with two italian girls, one who was already a friend before I moved in, and they're both much friendlier and chattier than my previous housemates (who, lovely as they were, hardly ever spoke to me!). So altogether I'm really happy with the move. Every time I go running in the park just 5 minutes away I can barely believe how lucky I am.
My new housemates are exceptionally clean, as italians tend to be. This is a cultural stereotype I really wasn't aware of before I came over, but it's true - Italians keep their houses Very Very clean. It's alot more labour intensive as well, due to the lack of carpets. No passing a quick hoover off as genuine cleaning here: there is sweeping, mopping and polishing of the tiled floors. I am trying to integrate by raising my own standards of hygeine (as opposed to attempting to drag everyone down to my level, an alternative approach which I am trying at my boyfriend's house), at least in public areas (I'm currently sitting in my bedroom, in my pyjamas, with dirty coffee cups everywhere and a dirty, dusty floor covered in dirty clothes and books...it's not slovenly, it's bohemian, right?!). I really don't know if my housemates think I'm disgusting - I'd be genuinely interested, but there's not really an objective way to ask as they're both very lovely girls and wouldn't dream of telling me they think I live like a pig.
OK, for now, work is calling (it's 11.45 on a wednesday morning and I am not yet dressed: I know, time to grow up, but I feel I have to embrace my slightly wonky ESL teacher lifestyle for the moment, now that I have definite plans to come back home and Get A Career from September) but since I said at the beginning that I've still been reading all my favourite blogs, I thought it would be nice to give links so anyone who's interested can see what I do with myself when I'm not updating (among other things, obviously - maybe I should add a caveat of "what I do ON THE INTERNET"):
First and foremost, KATE HARDING: http://kateharding.net/
my feminist icon, full of body acceptance and 3rd wave feminism
http://www.tiredoflondontiredoflife.com/
The blog single-handedly responsible for my planned return to London
http://toorudemag.blogspot.com/
A Canadian girl who introduces me to alot of culture I would otherwise have no idea about
http://www.runningforgrace.blogspot.com/
my future sister-in-law with lots of beautiful photography (especially of cakes!)
http://www.everythingreviewed.blogspot.com/
This blog is sadly dormant for long years but I'm including it as it was maybe the blog that got me into the joy of blogging: the writer had a deal with the Guardian where they published her posts. If you have time to spare on the internet it's well worth a retrospective read, it's hilarious (and who says this new media format is only worth reading IN THE MOMENT, anyway?!
